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Tumbling Down The Rabbit Hole...to teach or not to teach.

Alice ran across the field after the white rabbit"and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit - hole under the hedge." "In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again."

Just like Alice every once in a while I feel the need to toss all caution to the wind and rush head first down the rabbit hole...yes, yes, I'll quit my job and start teaching full-time or better yet join the circus! However unlike Alice I am 43 with a messed up back and a mortgage- I need to know how I will get out again or at least how I will pay my bills in Wonderland.

So many of my friends come to the point in their pole/aerial "journey" where they ask them selves what now? Should I teach? Should I compete? I'm always curious as to what brings us to this point. Is it the need to push ourselves further. Is it peer pressure? Have we convinced ourselves that if we don't that we have somehow failed or is it in our heart and soul? Do we have an absolute love of the movement where we want to share, need to share with others and experience the rush of the newness through others eyes? Is this something one would do part-time or full-time, can you truly afford to teach? Is it a way to make money? What is your true motivation?

I can honestly say I have never wanted to compete, I had a life time of it in gymnastics and I'm not nearly good enough. But teaching hmm that is an interesting thought. Maybe teaching pole might be fun. I had an opportunity a while back to "cover" a friends pole class for her ( a beginners class so I was safe) and after class it hit me. I don't really want to teach. I love pole, love taking class, love using my pole at home and love introducing my friends to it. I love seeing my friends throw their first back hook spin and see the child in them emerge. But honestly when it comes to pole I just want to dance, I just don't have the drive to want to teach pole. Aerial is another beast altogether. This I want to teach, of this I am sure with every fiber in my body.

So what makes a good teacher? I feel a good teacher is somebody who has depth of knowledge, understands technique, is comfortable and capable of verbally & visually explaining things, picks up on emotional cues and knows how to deal with people and their multitude of personalities. That being said not everyone is cut out for teaching. I have had great teachers that honestly weren't the best dancers. I have seen dancers that memorize people with their fluidity, grace and strength that couldn't teach a fish to swim.

I think it's most important to know where your passions lie. As a teacher your students should see and feel the passion you have for the movement. To that end never stop being a student, continue to develop your skills and passion and it will shine through in your teaching.

Teaching that one class really made me look at my self and think why do I want to do this? The answer was I don't. I do however want to take the classes that I have formed in my head that follow the formats that I enjoy and think others could benefit from in a lovely space that I have designed with free parking and a sauna...this is my passion and I dream of it as I tumble down the rabbit hole.

 

A Slower Brave New World

Faster Pussycat, that's right I am all about speed. I'm a fast chick. I have fast friends. I have a fast job. I love fast. I love adrenaline. I love speed. I always want to fly - higher and faster. I am the strong, fast, brave one of our group. I was so looking forward to this summer. I had so many great plans in store: surfing (damn it I will get better at this), aerial arts, stretch classes,  pole classes,  aerial yoga teacher training...

CRASH.... - I get sick, really sick, scary I'm not sure if I am going to make it through this sick, hoping it's not ovarian cancer sick, write love letters to my husband, family and friends just in case sick, cut you out of my life if you aren't really an intricate part of it because I no longer have enough time sick. Everything in my world starts to move really fast - and suddenly fast is bad. Tests and more tests, rushed tests, poking, blood work, more blood work - please stop poking me, no more probing my insides with out buying me a drink first dammit! I am no longer strong or brave, I am just tired.

Good news "we are pretty sure it's not cancer".  Bad news " it still has to come out, it's gonna be a tricky operation and we might have to take out the other as well depending on what it looks like once we get in". Crap losing one ovary is bad enough - but both? I am too young for this crap. There are too many female/mental/sexual repercussions I don't even want to begin thinking about, not to mention I have already had a hysterectomy - this will be my 3rd major surgery dealing with reproductive BS - I am woman hear me roar - ENOUGH already. I need a break.

Operation is over and I survive - cancer free. Now the tricky part about all of this is how do I heal? I am not a good sick person. I get stir crazy - I push too hard. I want to be better now but I'm not - and while I kept an ovary (thank you lefty!) how do I deal with the changes, because unfortunately things are different - I can feel them.  I have weird night sweating moments that wake me up.  Maybe it's the Vicodin but I fear its my body trying to get used to its new lower hormone levels. The weight loss - 10 pounds in two weeks so far, this is a cool side effect, all of the scar tissue removal and removing the cyst is great but is the weight loss fat or muscle?  Am I gonna be weak once I get back in the saddle? I was always strong, I don't want to be weak. And what about getting back in the saddle? Sex is a scary thought right now, as is any other physical activity harder than walking to my bathroom. When am I going to be able to do all the stuff I love.

They say you don't really experience life until your 40's...I guess I am there.

I ask my friends what the hell am I going to do for the next 8 weeks?  They all say SLOW DOWN and just get better. Easier said than done.

One smart, close friend says "why not write a blog - keep track of your recovery and your new journey?".

So I will, I do - slowly.

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