So just how is pole dancing after surgery? The topic I keep trying to write about, the blog entry I keep putting off. I wish I actually knew how to begin, to get back to the movement I used to love so fiercely. It's odd that it has been so hard to get back into to the "swing" of pole and I'm not quite sure why.
At first it was because my body was fighting it. I wasn't physically ready and I begrudgingly accepted it. Now however it's been almost ten weeks and I have been to aerial yoga, pilates and cardio barre on a somewhat regular basis, so clearly there is no physical reason to avoid the pole. So just what is my hang up?
It must be mental, it's all in my head. Or maybe it's just a change. We all go through periods of change. And unless we pole for a living (and maybe even if we pole for a living) most of us have a never-ending ebb and flow of our time on the pole. Sometimes life gets in the way. Summers are tough it's hot and sweaty and here in sunny SoCal there is the tendency to be outside swimming, surfing, playing at the beach at least that's my summer excuse. Friends, family, significant others, work, sleep, can all derail the best laid plans. But if I have to be honest its just me. Whether it is disinterest or a growing love of aerial or a fear of being so far back from where I was before my surgery something has changed and I'm not sure how to handle it. Is it like a boyfriend you have out grown? Is it that I don't need or god forbid I don't want pole anymore?
I don't think so. I decide to try to rekindle the relationship, ease back in - slowly with something simple. No aerial inverts, no "I really need to master that trick". Let's just dance for the sake of dancing. I decide to sign up for an S Factor flight night class. The class consists of a warm up and then just free dancing to your own music. It is the perfect re-entry scenario, a fun, easy, sensual, dip back into the waters I miss so much. And then it hits me, a raging migraine that lasts for two days, a headache so strong that I know if I don't shake it I will never make it to class. Then I get the call, class is cancelled because only two of us signed up and the other person just bailed. Being the incredible actress that I am I feign huge amounts of disappointment when actually I am relieved, saved by the call. I didn't really have it in me, didn't really want to go and poof as quickly as it came on - the migraine is gone.
It's a sign, most of my body might be ready for the pole, but clearly my head is not. So I will listen to it, I will wait a bit for class. There is no rush, pole is not going anywhere and neither am I. It will be there when I am ready for it. The amazing thing is once I decided to stop forcing myself back to class I had the urge to put up my pole at home. It's been neglected for a while, sitting alone in the corner, black and dark, out shined by the ever-present bright turquoise aerial hammock. I danced for a short bit, nothing grand, no tricks, just dance. It made me realize I do miss it, my first love and eventually on my own time we will get back into the "swing" of things together.